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Everyone of us had a first love, right?

But you do know what usually happens with that kind of love. You mature and realize that there are other better things to do in the world than to blindly adore someone and walk around with a bleeding heart. You move on but there’s a small part of you that never forgets how much you’ve loved and lost.

This story is about my first love. I wrote about him because he’s been bothering me in my dreams lately. I’ve not seen him for 7 years and I don’t know why I keep dreaming about him all of a sudden.

So, I thought I should write about me and him. And about our future encounter where I get to make him fall down on his knees. Teehee.

To that person, please do not roll your eyes once you get to read this. It’s your fault anyways.

Why are you constantly in my dreams? It’s been 7 years, for heaven’s sake!

You are as frustrating even in my dreams! Gaaaah, ok I’ll stop ranting.

***

You stare at him with wide eyes; completely disbelieving the fact that he’s just a good two meters away from you. Your mind is telling you to close that gaping mouth before you lose any more dignity, but you can’t. Because let’s face it, he was that one. The first big love of your life.

You did not expect to see him here, in your favorite place, where rows and rows of books of various kinds surround you. To be more precise, you did not expect anything at all.

You have stopped expecting ever since the moment he told you that he did not feel the same way and that he liked another. You had tried to keep the tears at bay while he was saying words that were quick to throw daggers at your weak and young heart. So, you had chosen to accept his decision and tried to move on. It had taken quite a while before you could smile the same way again…before you could start believing in happily ever afters again. You managed to get over the pain, wrote one last entry about him in your tear-stained diary, and finally, finally learned that you cannot get everything you want in life.

It’s been years since you have last seen him and yet at this moment, you are staring at him foolishly. In that same foolish way that you looked at him when you were much younger, much naïve, and a bit more fragile.

You instantly compose yourself by fixing him a small, bored smile that conveys something like, “Oh, hey it’s you.” You try to be an image of complete calm, clutching the book you’re holding a little more tightly. It’s Cecilia Ahern’s If You Could See Me Now. You mentally chide yourself for not picking up a much more serious book, one that could prove that you are an intelligent reader. You find yourself wishing that he does not see the book and discover that there’s still one thing about you that hasn’t changed. You’re still the sappy and hopelessly romantic girl (more so on rainy days and certain holidays) that he knew.

You have no such luck. He sees it and smiles, revealing those dimples that you’ve spent much of your adolescent life staring at.

His gaze goes back on your face. You feel your heart doing that weird flippy thing that you know so much. Later, you ask yourself why you’re still not as immune to him as you expect to be.

You notice that he’s looking at you in that certain way like…okay, like he’s liking what he’s seeing. And for whatever reason, his stare kinds of unnerves you. True, you have undergone such big changes in your life. Not only did you improve yourself in some aspects, but you also managed to grow pleasantly. Gone were the extra pounds, oily skin with a bad case of blemishes, and short hair that you had back then. You are now limber with wavy, shoulder-length tresses and smooth skin.

You look nice in your red shirt and white skirt ensemble, but you can’t help but feel like the little girl that you once were in his presence…in his beautiful brown eyes.

You manage to croak out a simple hey for real this time. He smiles some more and his friendly eyes continues to look at you.

“Hi. How have you been?” You hear him ask.

You have seen this moment play in your head and in your dreams for countless times in the last couple of years. This one too important scenario where you get to show how you’ve been better and that you survived the awful heartbreak he had caused you. You imagine him looking at you with sad eyes that kind of tells you he likes you too but realized it too late. And you finally tell him he had lost his chance. You have prepared for this.

But in reality, you find yourself inhaling some air and trying to tame the erratic beating of your heart.

“I’m good.” You answer.

God, where did all those nonchalant rehearsed replies that you stuck in your head go? You give yourself a mental face palm for the awkwardness that you’re not supposed to be showing in front of him.

“I did not know you go to this kind of place,” was your attempt at small talk.

He chuckles. Adorably.

You realize that your train of thought does not help in any way in your confident I’m-so-freaking-over-you vibe.

“What? I’m not allergic to books.” He replies, his eyes twinkling.

You consider for a moment if this is the part where you brisk walk out of the bookstore. But you do no such thing.

“N-no. What I mean is this bookstore is kind of not frequented by a lot of people, you know.”

It’s the truth anyways. Your favorite bookstore is located near the village of old people, not in the usual malls or in nearby universities. You have always loved that it is situated in a quiet neighborhood and it has a cozy appeal, complete with brown couches and a cup of freshly-brewed coffee to drink. It has become your weekend habit to go here and drown in books for hours.

“Still the bookworm. Some things never change.” He tells you in an amused voice.

You smile pensively. But most of them do. My feelings did. You wanted to say.

“Yeah. Still am.” You say with a sheepish smile instead.

“This is a nice place. No wonder why she loves it here.” He looks around appreciatively.

Of course, you tell yourself. He’s with someone. That’s expected. But what surprises you is the presence of that sinking feeling at the pit of your stomach.

You finally notice the thick book he’s holding. Asian Culinary. Your eyebrows furrow. Last time you checked, he was studying architecture.

He sees your fixed gaze on the book. “I got this for her. She can’t find this book anywhere.”

Handsome, intelligent, and a good boyfriend who’s willing to do errands.

“Oh,” you cringe at your needless disappointment.

“It’s for my sister.” He explains.

“Okay.” You try to answer casually. The weird flippy thing in your heart is back again. Only now, it is not just doing some flips, but somersaults as well.

This is bad, you think.

You awkwardly stare at each other for a few moments until you see a kid shove him to get a coloring book. He holds your arm while he tries to steady himself. You ignore the smell of his clean aftershave and you take a step back as if burned by his sudden proximity.

You clumsily fix your hair and clear your throat; a habit when you’re nervous.

“Ummm, I have to make this purchase,” You wave the book you’re holding. “It was nice seeing you. But I have to go.” You turn your back at him at once.

So totally uncool at all.

It is a total surprise when you see him appear beside you again.

“I was…I was thinking if you could join me for dinner. I would just like to catch up.” You have never seen him this awkward towards you. Truthfully, it kind of pleases you to see him all flustered like that.

He gives you a hopeful smile and you decide to torment him a little.

What to say anyway?

This is the one chance where you can prove to him that you are long over the deep infatuation that you had for him. The proper option is easy to pick.

And yet you find yourself considering the other. You consider the repercussions the other choice may cause. And all the ways it can hurt.

You look at him wordlessly while trying to ignore the fact that your breath is kind of stuck in your throat.

You find yourself saying yes.

 

 

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Khuntoria Drabbles

I. Denial

Nichkhun swears he’s not in love. Really.

So what if Victoria owns the most amazing eyes that sparkle like stars when she gets happy and excited? So what if she has this adorable habit of throwing ridiculously random statements that never fail to make him laugh until his stomach hurt?

So what if he’s fond of her spontaneous aegyo? So what if he finds her beautiful even with the lightest trace of make up? So what if he can’t seem to stop himself from looking at her impossibly long legs?

So what if he often thinks of her as his dream girl that came to life? She, who is not only attractive, but is also caring, sweet, thoughtful, funny, endearing, quirky, and sincere.

So what if he tends to get sulky when he misses her terribly, it irritates the hell out of Wooyoung?

So what if he instantly thinks of her whenever he hears a sweet love song?

So what if he gets absurdly happy on filming days, it is nearly impossible to wipe the wide grin off his face?

So what if his entire family and even all of Thailand approve of their make-believe marriage?

These things do not matter. Really.

Because he tells himself that it will take more than these things to make him fall for her.

And yet the moment he sees her all bubbly and pretty, with a smile that is especially reserved for him, he knows, all his arguments are lost.

The wild beating of his heart, the impossibly strong need to hold her and kiss her senseless, and the contentment he feels just by knowing that she is all his for the day tell him otherwise.

II. Wishes

Sometimes, Victoria wishes that she has a jerk for a husband. Or a butt-ugly one.

Just so she can easily remind herself not to take this pretend marriage seriously.

From the moment she knew that she’s going to be part of the show, she swore that she’ll just play her cards right, show a new side of her to the Korean public, and have a genuine platonic relationship with her make- believe husband. It had been a seemingly easy resolve back then.

But luck was not on her side.

Of all the possible male celebrities that could be paired with her, it had to be the most desirable 2PM member. That guy who is not only known for his insanely good looks, but his strong sense of chivalry as well. That one guy who makes her wonder if prince charmings really exist. That guy who likes to look at her in that intense way that always makes her heart flutter. That guy who has a certain smile that is specifically designed to make her knees wobble. That guy who holds her in the most tender of touches. That guy who makes her feel that this thing between them could be real. And the one who could make her ask herself if they could have a shot at forever.

Sometimes, Victoria wishes she isn’t married to Nichkhun.

Just so she won’t be having these strong emotions that she has no idea how to deal with.

Because one of these days, she feels she might completely fall for him despite her best efforts not to.

 

KhunToria: My Newest OTP

Back in 2008, we had this…

And at present, we have this…

Yep, my WGM addiction and faith in OTPs are back and so alive.

JoongBo maybe the one who holds the top rank in my OTP list, but Khuntoria is just so incredibly amazing, you’d think they’re dating for real.

While some may find that awkwardness is cute on couples in reality shows, but let’s face it, WGM is a show about marriage. I think Khuntoria is just so good at showing the cute and fun side of married life. They seem to be a combination of AnSol and AlShin for me.

I like them because for the past two years of following WGM, they’re the best at representing what married life should be like.  They are not afraid of skinship. It’s great because married people must be natural at that. I don’t know about you guys, but I appreciate couples who are confident and at ease with each other. They’re great because while they like being at close physical contact, they still know their limits. It’s nice to see them hold hands, or when Khun carries Vic bridal style, or when they lean on each other’s shoulders. They show such sweet and affectionate gestures that never fail to make me wonder what they’re capable of doing off-cam. What? I’m curious.

It’s so refreshing to watch them because their kind is rare in Korean shows. I think it is because of the fact that they’re both foreigners and it’s kinda in their culture to be touchy-feely. Plus the fact that they had previous relationships just makes them able to handle their virtual marriage well.

I am their fan because they are both amusing, adorable, sweet, funny, sensual, and endearing. And really, how often do you see a virtual husband bring his wife to his hometown to meet his ENTIRE family and discuss retirement plans together?

Victoria, for me, is the most interesting female idol in Korea today. She is just so beautiful, quirky, caring, simple, talented, funny, effortlessly cute…yeah, I simply adore her. And I like the fact that she keeps Nichkhun grounded. She’s that one person who can call on his BS and remind him that not everyone falls for his smooth moves that easily. But she knows the right time to make Khun feel good, how to let him feel special and appreciated, and loved, and cared for. It also never fails to amaze me how she can take all those intense gazes of Khun without going weak in the knees.  A major feat,  I must say.

And Nichkhun? Do I still have to say what’s special about him? Everything! He may not be my favorite in 2PM but no one can argue that he’s the golden boy of JYPE. A perennial favorite of noonas, MCs, and CFs. I like the fact that he may seem perfect, but when it comes to Victoria, he becomes nervous and stupid at times. I always have a good laugh when I see him act silly in front of Vic and fail at every big event that he does for her. I’ve come to appreciate him more in each episode because he’s willing to be unidol-like just to make Vic laugh or their daughters for that matter.

And what I like most about them is they don’t try too much to hold back what’s on their hearts and minds. They do not let antis control them and their happiness. They say when they’re upset, when something is so amusing or cute about each other. They know how and when to express their sincerity and gratitude. And they can openly admit that they like each other.

How can anyone be more perfect than these two?

Plus, I think they have the highest chance of becoming real later on.

Oh, what am I thinking?

Khuntoria is real.

******

Credits to Chonsa’s Blog and Khuntorialurve for the pics.

And yes, I am back after so many eternities of  being on hiatus. 🙂

HwanSung: The Best Kdrama Couple of 2009

What’s the best way to get over the JoongBo heartbreak?

Watch Brilliant Legacy and gush over Hwan and Eun Sung (Lee Seung Gi and Han Hyo Joo).

The last time I was this crazy over a Kdrama couple was with Han Gyul and Eun Chan in Coffee Prince. And that was a long long time ago. God, I’m so overly glad that I decided to watch this brilliant drama and got to know this cute couple. Or else I’ll still be bawling my eyes right now thinking of JoongBo.

Hwan and Eun Sung’s chemistry was amazing. Honestly, I was initially rooting for Jun Se to hook up with Eun Sung. I’m a sucker for those princely, unbelievably good guys in dramas. But come episode 10, ohmyeffingod, I totally jumped ship. I’ve been all for Hwan since then. Sparks were all over the place whenever they had a scene together.

I love how their story progressed. Yes, theirs was cliche-ridden. The bad guy falls for the innocent, pure-hearted girl. But still, watching them was insanely amusing. (Jun Pyo and Jandi’s chemistry can’t even compare. Sorry BOF fans out there.)

I love their banters, their emo moments, how Hwan first saw Eun Sung as a woman, thinking about her, caring for her, worrying about her, how Eun Sung slowly developed feelings for him, their first kiss, their first hug, their first date, the first time Hwan held Eun Sung’s hand, and the promise that Hwan will wait for her.

Now those unforgettable moments have reduced me to the giggly, avid HwanSung shipper that I am today.

Here are some of their sweet moments in the drama…

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This was the moment that started it all. Hwan seeing Eun Sung in a short dress in episode 10. His expression here was priceless. Cupid so shot him in the butt.

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This was the first time Hwan said sorry to anyone. At 27, the proud and arrogant heir of Jin Sung Foods have never uttered any form of apology. But he finally said it to Eun Sung who blamed him for making her lose her younger brother, Eun Woo.

 

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Hwan was again affected by Eun Sung’s proximity. This scene was superbly amusing as Hwan easily forgot that he was supposed to hold the flyer in order for Eun Sung to put a tape on it. But her being so close to him made him lose all sensible thoughts as he stared at her back looking all dumbstruck.

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I never thought Hwannie could be this caring. He was so sweet to think of placing  another bench to let Eun Sung rest comfortably and putting the plant near her  in order to shade her from the sun. I had this creepy smile on my face the moment he stared at her, probably transfixed as to how beautiful she looked while sleeping. Unfortunately, Jun Se witnessed this love gesture. Bad news for him.

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This scene is just too cute for words. I love love the way both of them acted so tense, how Hwan looked so alarmed by Eun Sung’s touch, and how Eun Sung seemed so conscious.

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Hwan saved Eun Sung from an approaching truck. I know this is a must for most Kdramas but still, I gotta love Seung Gi for his superb acting here. I love the way he pulled her to save her only to push her from his body a moment later. Eun Sung can effortlessly drive him mad. 

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Hwan on top of Eun Sung. Ooh, the sexual tension! What a pity Eun Sung didn’t take advantage of a drunk Hwan. Haha.

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I applaud Hwan for being such a subtle flirt in this scene! He made his driving as an excuse just so Eun Sung can feed him ddukbokgi. Clever, I must say.

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This was just one of those scenes where I wished Hwan was a real person and truly glad that I wasn’t Seung Mi. Just imagine how you would feel if you saw the person you love caring for another girl when he was supposed to take care of you? Too bad Eun Sung didn’t notice how Hwan was so focused catching the drops of water so her head wouldn’t get wet.

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Their first hug. Aaww. Hwan wanting to hug for a moment longer totally melted my heart. 

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This was such a precious moment for HwanSung. This was the first time that Eun Sung openly showed affection for Hwan, telling him that he’s not a useless person and giving him a tight hug. It could’ve been perfect if Hwan had hugged her back. Notice Jun Se in the background?

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They probably felt the electricity too. Haha. They looked like they want to kiss each other but they can’t because Halmoni was beside them. And I badly wished that I had the power to enter the TV screen just so I can instruct them to kiss already.

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Their first date. I was honestly cheering for Hwan when he decided to hold Eun Sung’s hands tightly. And the way he looked somewhat shy doing it.

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I was screaming like crazy watching this. They looked like high schoolers in love. I always have this thing for holding hands scenes. So cute. I like how they looked so contented, happy, and in love in this.

 

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Who didn’t love this scene? I was glad Eun Sung was the first one to say ‘saranghae’ even if it was just a whisper. And loved it even more when she made her feelings clearer by kissing Hwan.

But no matter how incredibly sweet these scenes were, I still have my top 5 HwanSung moments that just made me love this couple even more…

Here they are…

5. The Bus Scene : Too much proximity

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This scene reminded me of a scene in Coffee Prince where Han Gyul and Eun Chan were enjoying each other’s presence inside the crowded train. Only this time, Hwan had such conflicting emotions. He looked pissed off but at the same time bothered by Eun Sung’s closeness. He was probably torn between wanting to push her away and wanting to protect her from the perverts in the bus.

4. Why Can’t I Worry About You?

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I totally fell in love with Hwan here. He was acting every bit of that overly worried boyfriend. Him asking “Why can’t I worry about you?” was his indirect way of telling Eun Sung that he likes her. Eun Sung got the message too as she was acting quite shocked when she entered her room, reminiscing the moments that she had with him.

3. The Promise of Waiting

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Could this scene get any more romantic? Honestly, I thought Eun Sung would be hit by a car.(blame it on those overly tragic Kdramas) I was really praying so hard to let her reach Hwan. Thankfully, the scriptwriter is a believer in happy endings, so we all got to see Eun Sung ask Hwan to wait for her until she completes her studies in the US. Of course, Hwan being the patient boyfriend that he was, said yes. (And I kept smiling like a loony watching them hug like that). 

2. HwanSung smooches

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Never mind that Eun Sung’s nose looked ugly in their first kiss. Never mind if Hwan’s cheeks were puffy (blame Hyo Joo’s hands) the second time they kissed. I thoroughly enjoyed watching them suck face.  Their kisses were so unlike those typical close-mouthed kisses we usually see in Kdramas. I could really feel the love Hwan and Eun Sung have for each other in these scenes.

1. The Confession

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I lost count how many times I pressed the rewind button of my DVD player just to watch this scene over and over. I love the moment Eun Sung hid from Hwan, how he turned around to find her (knowing that she was hiding), the moment he confessed his feelings, and Eun Sung’s struggle to give excuses why they shouldn’t be together…

 This was Hwan’s confession…

“Don’t do anything with Jun Se. Don’t run a cruise restaurant with him. Don’t go anywhere with him. Just stay by my side…”

And being the sappy girl that I am, wanted Eun Sung to hug him and kiss him like there’s no tomorrow. But of course, she decided to just build up the angst of this drama and told him that there were too many people in between them… But Hwan knew that she also likes him when he saw her wearing the necklace he gave her, chased her on the hanging bridge, and followed his confession with this…

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“Why do those people matter? When I believe you, when I like you, when I want to have you…”

I have to applaud Eun Sung for having the strength to push Hwan away. Because if I were her, I would just choose to melt in Hwan’s embrace.lol.

****

For those of you who haven’t watched this drama yet, watch it now or you’ll be missing something great. In my opinion, Brilliant Legacy is the best drama  this year and will remain as one of my most-loved dramas of all time. Hwan and Eun Sung’s love story is one of the most inspiring I’ve seen in my history of watching Kdramas.

I wish Seung Gi and Hyo Joo will get the chance to work again in a series someday. I love seeing them together. And it also won’t hurt seeing them hook up for real. Haha.

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Aren’t they adorable???

JoongBo Update

This is a terrible week for all Joongboers out there.

1. Hyun Joong was asked about Hwang Bo by the Malaysian Press and his answer was…

It’s a variety show, we didn’t really get married. Hope you guys won’t misunderstand. We are still good colleagues. And hope you guys won’t mix up variety show and real life together. We are each doing our work and each living our lives.”

Here’s a video of his interview…

-Okay, Hyun Joong I get it. You don’t need to sound so defensive. lol. Why do I get this vibe that they don’t want to do anything with each other? So unlike AnSol and the Ant Couple. When they were asked if they still keep in contact, Andy was quick to answer that they send messages once in a while and the Ant Couple admitted that they shopped together. But when it comes to JoongBo, they always give  the we- should -move- on- JoongBo- is -old- news answer. They shared 7 blissful months of pretend marriage. Why is that so hard for them to remember???

2. Hwang Bo finally gave a direct answer about keeping in contact with Hyun Joong

-And it’s a NO.  She was asked by Suju members in their radio show last weekend.

Here’s a translation of their conversation…

SJ asked hwangbo whether she still kept in touch with hyunjoong
HB: no, he’s already been a super star now, definitely has no time to stay in touch
SJ:We can help you to get his number
HB: I know his number, but it seems that he has changed it..
SJ:Let us help you to get it
HB: I’ve already known that….

-Sigh. This is sad. And here I am, hoping that they still talk once in a while. I don’t really get why they can’t just stay friends if they do not want to be romantically involved. But Hwang Bo’s answer was confusing. Does she know Hyun Joong’s new number or not? And why am I reacting violently??? Haha.

3. Hyun Joong was diagnosed with Swine Flu

-I’m praying for his speedy recovery. Contrary to what people know, swine flu isn’t that really serious now. All you need is tamiflu and a good rest. But I guess in Hyun Joong’s case, overexhaustion just aggravated his condition. I heard he is being quarantined in a hospital in Tokyo for 2 weeks or up to a month. Poor him. He’s supposed to get his award for best actor in the Seoul Drama Awards on the 11th. Times like these make me want to tell him to get a caring girlfriend as soon as possible. This guy seriously needs some tender loving care.

4. Hwang Bo updated her cyworld

She has written this on her diary…

Please leave me a message of cheer~
Press (02)141
PO Box 816-0816

And posted this picture…

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The words at the top say, “I think about you. I always think about you.” It’s from Arisong.

-Her post is free for interpretation. In my opinion, it is related to what’s happening to Hyun Joong. She seems depressed. Fighting Hwang Bo! Hyun Joong will be okay soon. He’ll be back to his healthy and hot self in no time. I guess it’s comforting to know that although she no longer keeps in contact with him, she still cares about him.

It’s Nice To Be….

Back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omigod. I missed blogging so much. And I decided to end the hiatus today.

So, am I not the brokenhearted Joongboer now? What do you think? Hehe.

I’m okay now. I’m okay seeing Hyun Joong’s face on my monitor. I’m more than okay seeing his hot self again. Haha. And I can now smile whenever I see a JoongBo pic. That’s a good thing right???

So, when I took a much needed JoongBo break, I learned that….

1. Hwang Bo posted Hyun Joong’s and Young Saeng’s songs on her cyworld

-I gathered that it was her form of support for the two guys. Some have pointed out that she posted it days following that HK hoolabaloo. And all I can say is that she’s really an angel. I think that crappy news was a non-issue to her and that was her discreet way to tell the fans to put the issue to rest. Hyun Joong is a such a lucky guy to know someone like her. I think that he’ll never meet someone as kind and supportive like Hwang Bo.

2. Hwang Bo’s Arisong Performance

-Her outfit improved. I’m digging the black sexy outfit more than the hooker getup that she donned in the past. I bet she’s making many men have massive nosebleeding by strutting her hot stuff again. (Did I just say hot stuff?!)

3. SS501 in China Fanmeet

The boys are back being their busy selves again. And Chinese JoongBoers were in full force during the fanmeet. Hyun Joong was asked about his ideal woman.Again. The fans got the same answer from him : A woman in white one-piece dress with a big hat and sitting under a tree. He prefers the woman to chat with him like a friend. ( I gotta lol at this one. So specific.)

4. SS501 in Malaysia

-Some lucky JoongBoers got to see him practicing some dance moves in one of the secluded corners of the airport. Cute! Although some reported that he looked sick. And almost fainted again. What’s with this guy and all his fainting spells? He really should get a girlfriend soon so someone can really take care of him.

5. Hyun Joong won as Most Popular Male Actor in the Seoul Drama Awards

I’m a fan of Hyun Joong but not exactly of his acting skills. I think that he still has a long way to go to be really called an actor. He was one of the major reasons why watching BOF was so cringe-worthy. But still, this is good news. I just hope that I’ll no longer see that deer-caught- in- the -headlights acting of his in the future.

***

It’s nice to talk about them again although this blog will no longer be exclusive to JoongBo news and spazzes. I’ll be writing a lot of other stuff soon. Stay tuned. 🙂

A Temporary Goodbye

Nope. This is not a JoongBo fanfic.

God knows I can not write any story about them right now. And I will not be doing so for a long while.

This is just me being reflective and sentimental.

I just read on Soompi that Hyun Joong is back in Korea sporting a totally bored/stony look or whatever. Truthfully, I’m still disappointed with him. I want to convince myself that he did nothing wrong. And that he isn’t obliged to explain every action that he does.

But a huge part of me is hurting because of what he did. That he just presented evidence that maybe all those happy assumptions of mine had been all wrong.

For the past few days, my mood has really been somber. Yes, I’m that affected. I have been feeling all doom and gloom. And yet, I want to laugh because I can’t believe I’m this involved in JoongBo’s supposed lovelife that I totally let that disappointing news get to me.

Because it had been my choice to believe in them. To believe in all the hints and coincidences surrounding them. And Hyun Joong didn’t ask me to be part of this fandom. It was my choice. It was me who chose to assume something that they never admitted or denied.

My JoongBo dream has been shattered in the cruelest way possible. But I kept on saying that I still believe.

And for a moment, I wondered what it is that I choose to believe. Do I believe that they’re together or that they will be together someday?

And I had no answer to that.

And because of that I came to realize that I don’t want to be a part of something that will pressure them to get together. I don’t want to play like God on their fate, coaxing them to fulfill every JoongBoer’s dream- to be with each other.

Because if they want to be together, they will make a way. On their own.

So, I just want to take a backseat and lower my expectations now. I refuse to be too blinded by the assumption that they continued what they developed in WGM. And I no longer want to feel annoyed, frustrated, upset, disappointed with Hyun Joong. I no longer want to feel sorry for Hwang Bo.

From now on, I just want to be rational.

And I’m taking a temporary rest from everything JoongBo. It may take a week or two. It may be shorter than that or even longer. But I know in my heart that I have to do this.

Because I no longer want to feel the overwhelming hurt whenever I look at their pictures, hear news about them, or read another happy coincidence/ CSI about them.

For the past eight months, I have been focusing on them. And I have been hoping too much.

I have realized that there’s more to life than my JoongBo madness.

No, I’m not saying that I will stop being a fan. I love this couple so much that I can’t even imagine giving up on them this early. I just want to be the rational, practical fan and not hope too much from now on.

I hope that after my temporary break I will emerge a better JoongBo fan.

I hope that I will learn to accept reality, no matter how painful it may be. I hope that I will learn to be happy for the both of them even if things don’t  turn out the way I want them to. The way we want them to. It’s their lives after all. That I can learn to enjoy them being a couple or as individuals. That even if they do not end up together, I will continue supporting them and be positive. And though they can not be lovers, I hope that they will try to have a loving relationship.

JoongBo have given me wonderful memories. They have shown me an incomparable love story even if it was on a reality show. I laughed, cried, and fell in love with them. Most of all, they have thought me a lot of things about loving, caring, and living life the best way a person can.

And for that, I thank them from the bottom of my heart.

Hyun Joong and Hwang Bo will always be a big part of my life. No other couple can ever touch my life the way they did.

‘Til then…


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